The Daily K is mostly poetry, these days, so I'm going to start blogging here and see what happens....

Monday October 9, 2006

Me and the gal got back from the beach on Friday and I have been mildly depressed every morning waking up since then. I took the dog out for a quick piss, this afternoon, and when the sun hit me, I realized that my depression might be caused by the fact that virtually no sunlight gets into my dismal little apartment. For the previous seven days I lived in a space covered in sunlight, from sunup to sundown.

God, I hate the word "condo."

Anyway, I see the shrink for the first time in three or four months on Thursday and it sucks that I will have to go in there and say, "weeeeeeell..." when my therapist asks me how things have been. I am so pill oriented that I want a pill to make this and every lousy situation go away. Sometimes, on very, very rare occaisons, these days, the thought quickly flashes across my mind that it might be nice to swallow all the pills and see what happens. I am usually able to chant, "thank you Lord, for letting me see the new day, breath the air of a new day" to make any depressive feelings go away, however.

Graem and I went out for sushi tonite. I don't know what to think of my son, right now, and of me, as a father, right now. It seems that he has more and more of the answers and that I have less and less of them.

I am learning how to let go.

The kid will be 18 next March and that makes him old enough to be a soldier, but not old enough to vote if I am doing the math. correctly. He wants to go to The Art Institute of Chicago, which would significanly put him out of my reach. I don't know if that is his goal or not, but, hey, like I said a minute ago, he's almost 18 and don't most eighteen year old boys want to get away from their fathers?

I have a girlfriend, now, the "gal" referred to in my opening sentence. I think that much of me is still in denial. She's a good girlfriend, but I still can't believe that she is my girlfriend. I'll be fifty next June and for most of those years, it has been just me. I have been alone longer than I was in the familly that I grew up in. The longest I've had a girlfriend was three years, and she and I were so drunk during the time that we were together that the actual time that we were together might actually be less than what I thought it was. It's somewhat hard to measure love from a blackout.

I got an instant message from someone while I was out having dinner with my girlfriend, the other night. When I got home there was this instant message on my laptop computer screen saying, "xo call me." I did not recognize the screen name.

I have let go all past laisons now that I have the gal that I have, so I was really
perplexed over why this message was staring at me from my computer. If my girlfriend had seen it, it could have caused an uncomfortable moment or two.

Or three or four.

I added the screen name to my buddy list and the name popped up again, tonight, on my buddy list. I had to do some investigating...

Wordmanmikelk: who are you anyway?
JohnO49: John Owens
Wordmanmikelk: you said "call you" and i have NO idea who you are?
JohnO49: well that was a misguided IM
JohnO49: not as bad as the Congressman's
Wordmanmikelk: gotcha
Wordmanmikelk: and
Wordmanmikelk: ha ha

We're living in a time when people, maybe, are starting to see how lousy their "elected officials" are to them. This bastard from Florida, a fifty something year old Congressman "in charge of" the house committee charged with stopped fifty something year old men from pulling their pants down in front of our teenage girls and boys was caught with his pants down, so to speak, talking like a pervert to male teenage house pages over the internet in instant messages, last week.

"I'm an alcoholic," was the congressman's first excuse, errr, explanation for his weird and unacceptable behavior. He offered this to the nation through an attorney, of course.

"I'm going into rehab because I'm an alcoholic and I've got mental problems," he told us.

Well, fuck you former Senator Foley. I'm a bi-polar recovered alcolic and I find your excuses insulting.

"I'm gay," and "when I was a kid a priest molested me," were the next two excuses offered by the Senator through his attorney. What an asshole. What a complete piece of shit. He's starting to make Allen Ginsberg look like one of the choir boys that he so openly worshipped and campaigned for his right to worship.

And many of his fellow Senators let him carry on with his business as usual. What a nice little comfy club for millionaires they have up there in Washington. Is it "for the people?" Me thinks not, but I'm not going to open my mouth too wide open. I don't want to wind up like Politkovskaya in Russia.



"You are living a reality I left years ago..."--Crosby Stills Nash and Young

I used to really hate the word "blog." I wasn't a "blogger," I was a "writer," gosh darn it. And yet here I am, part of the pop culture, "a blogger." Well, I guess that there are worse things that I could have turned out to be, like say a serial killer or a congressman from florida with a desire to depants sixteen year old boys over the internet.

News that I was fit to be tied for when I heard it...

ABC News has been riding John Carr around in limousine and took him to at least one school where he used to teach. You must be fucking kidding me. Carr has also hired an entertainment attorney to help keep him in the limelight. What a dickhead.

Remember that show in the '60's called "Laugh In?" They had a segment where they said, "Ladies and Gents Laugh In Looks at the News."

Well, the news is fairly laughable. Har. Har.

ps I've got to mention that John Lennon was born today and I've got to post this
little poem-email that my gal-ee sent to me. I might elaborate on it more tomorrow, but right now I'm tired and I have to be up early than usual to go to the Doctor. She wants to do an early a.m. testosteron check to see why I'm needing those purple
pills to maintain an erection. Aren't you glad that you stuck around for this part of the blog. I also need to get my sugar level checked. I m a type II diabetic.

Would you like to hear about the rest of my physical ailments?
Stick around. Welcome to K Blog.